One Hit, 140 characters: Lou Bega

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Lou Bega and I have beef. This beef largely (entirely) stems from the fact that despite his inclusion of 10 girls’ names in his (one) hit tune “Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit Of…), he neglected to mention “Jennifer,” even though he has RITA in there twice. Honestly, who is this “Rita” character and how can she be more important than one of the most influential female names of the 90s (Aniston, Lopez, Love-Hewitt, Abidor.. NEED I SAY MORE?)

Now, before I get to Lou’s Twitter description, I have one, two, three, four, five questions:

1) What is with the 90s and parenthetical titles? See also: Hey Leonardo (She Likes Me for Me), Good Riddance (Time of Your Life).

2) What happened to Mambos No.s 1-4? No seriously, I want to know.

3) Did you know that these are actually, for real some of the lyrics? “Anything fly, it’s all good let me dump it. Please set in the trumpet.”

4) “And if it looks like this then you’re doing it right” — Not sure if you get the concept of a song, Lou, but I can’t see you. How am I supposed to know if I’m “doing it right”? (And no, the music video has no answers. I checked.)

5) Did people actually dance the “Mambo No. 5”? Like is that an actual thing that happened like the Cupid Shuffle or the Macarena?

Anyways, I decided to check in on Lou to see how he’s been doing in the aftermath of his hit “Mambo No. 5” (A little bit of…) and I was shocked by what I saw.

Lou Bega (@LouBegaOfficial — not to be confused with the “imposter” Lou Begas): “New single Sweet Like Cola release date: 23.07.10 New album Free Again release date: OUT NOW. Berlin.”

Here are the main points you need to take away from that:

-Lou Bega has an actual song called “Sweet Like Cola” and it has these actual lyrics “I’ll be your sugar daddy you’ll be my sugar cane” and it sounds like if Raffi and Sean Kingston did a collaboration. (Listen here!)

Lou Bega doesn’t understand the concept of “new” or the concept of teasing a “release date”.

-But, most importantly and earth-shatteringly: “Berlin.” You read that right! Lou Bega is German. I repeat. Lou. Bega. Is. From. Germany. Like, his tweets are in German and the only singular person he follows on Twitter is named “Fritz” and his primary language is German. How did none of us ever know this?! Where are your German lady friends, Lou? I suppose “A little bit Wilhelmina in my life, a little bit of Irmhilde by my side….” just doesn’t have the same flow…

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