August 9, 5:28pm
Jen Abidor: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL we go to contagion.
September 17, 10:45 pm
Jen Abidor: “Two tickets for contagion, please…”
Turns out my words are just as empty as Gwyneth Paltrow’s autopsied head.
…But that’s a good thing, because Contagion is just a brilliantly executed look into the hysteria surrounding pandemics. As a media studies gal I was particularly intrigued by the Jude Law character and his use of blogging for EVIL. I promise faithful readers (all three of you) that I will never use my powers for evil. Luckily, this is a movies blog so the closest I could come is probably recommending that you see that Bucky Larson porn star movie…
Here are a few biblically themed life lessons to be learned from Contagion:
You shall not commit adultery: Um seriously, Gwynny. Cheat on your husband and you WILL be patient zero for like, the worst pandemic ever…and everyone will see your brains. Don’t mess.
You shall not eat pigs: I’m just saying, it wasn’t Matzo Ball Soup that started this whole thing.
Honor your father and mother:… Or really, when your dad tells you not to, don’t go KISSING people in the snow when there is a freaking DISEASE going around…OH hey, millions of people have died, but at least we’re making snow angels.
You shall not steal (humans): Otherwise you get the placebo, bitches.
If thou art Matt Damon, thou art invincible: (I’m paraphrasing here…) Duh.
And there you have it. Go see Contagion if you get the chance, but don’t be surprised if you feel the urge to whip out your Swine Flu mask from ’09 (please, you know you had one…)